Clickin’ for Kinky

One of the cool things about writing a blog is that you get to check what are called stats to see who is reading your blog, where they clicked in from and how they found you.

One of the most disturbing things about writing a blog is what you sometimes learn from these stats. Lately I’ve noticed a trend that, quite honestly, has traumatized me just a little bit. Now, before I launch into my tirade, let me just state for the record: I am not a prude. I can handle the tawdry stuff on TV, I don’t mind the cussing (as you will clearly know if you read this blog from time to time), and obviously I don’t have a problem with sex since I have two kids and it appears Mr. Punkernoodle is a reasonably happy man.

Ok. Now. This post is for the ladies who have — accidentally, I can only assume — arrived at my blog, or our website, after having entered certain search words into Google. Those search words being any and all variations on this theme:

• Diaper my husband
• Husband in diapers
• Husband diapers
• Diapering husband

You get the drift. Now, given the frequency (people are actually searching these terms DAILY), I don’t think these women are married to men who are paralyzed or are 95 years old, knocking around an old-age condominium and just not making it to the bathroom in the middle of the night any more.  Nope. After thinking long and hard about it (I tried denial at first) I have come to the unavoidable truth: THESE PEOPLE ARE KINKY. There. I said it. Let me put it another way: There are apparently some men and possibly women out there who think the concept of a grown man using a diaper, FOR FUN, is sexy. Or hot. Or something. I’m no Violetta Valéry, but I think we’re talking fetish here.

So, the point of my post – the very important message that I need to share to these women searching out this concept on Google – is this (please read closely, ladies):

YOU. DON’T. HAVE TO. DO THIS.

Maybe you have never changed a real diaper. So maybe you don’t realize the simple fact that THERE IS NOTHING SEXY ABOUT HUMAN WASTE. It is not hot. It is not like skulking into your local adult toy shop and picking up a “joke” pair of crotchless panties for Valentine’s Day or a chocolate dildo for your girlfriend’s bachelorette party.

Furthermore, think about this: If this is what he’s into now, what’ll it be next? Sex in the back of a pickup while racing down the interstate? Getting busy live on YouTube? This????

I’m sure most of you ladies are respectable, attractive, independent women who really don’t need to diaper a grown man in order to feel loved. For the others, please – grow a spine. Say no. Erase your Internet page history off your computer. Google a marriage counselor in your neighborhood. Sign up for a pole dancing aerobics class and start filling out that divorce paperwork.

Feel free to visit us again when you actually have a baby and are looking for some real diapers, no size XXXL allowed. Then I will truly be happy to help.

Crunching the Crunchy

So Punkernoodle Baby hosted its first Cloth Diapering class in Seattle this weekend, and it went great! We had 14 parents-to-be/parents, mostly moms but several couples. I covered a range of topics including the environmental and cost benefits of using cloth, the different types of cloth diapers, and how to choose and use your diapers. My friend Jennifer did a very interesting presentation on Elimination Communication. 1.5 hours was barely enough time to give these parents all they needed to know in order to make choices for their babies. I hope I see many of them in our diaper shop in the future!

A few statistics that came out during class generated some surprise – including the fact that babies use an average of 8,000 diapers each from birth to potty learning! And that in our large metropolitan county, 3 percent of our landfill waste is made up of used disposable diapers. Ugh. But the most interesting stuff, I thought, was from the cost comparison called Crunching the Diaper Numbers that I created. A few of the  findings:

• Diapering one child in 7th Generation disposables for 3 years will cost an average of $2,978. Obviously, diapering a second child the same way will cost … you got it, another $2,978.
• You can get set up with a full spread of prefolds, covers and a few pocket/overnight/fancy diapers in three sizes for less than $480. This will diaper your first baby AND your second – and quite possibly a third. Or, if you aren’t planning so much progeny, those dipes can go on to diaper others (you can earn some cash back by selling them!) and avoid the landfill heap.
• Cloth diaper service, at least in Seattle, costs MORE than diapering your child in 7th Generation disposables – the safer yet pricier paper diaper out there.

We are definitely planning more classes – both at the Seattle Holistic Center as well as other locations in and around Seattle. I have also been talking to the mom who owns Andrew’s Playroomin Arlington about speaking up there about specific cloth diapering topics such as nighttime diapering and organic and sustainable materials. So if there are any Snoho County moms interested in cloth diaper classes, please give me a shout.

Happy (green) diapering!