Say It Like It Is

Big Daddy Punkernoodle and I had a dilemma this evening that we’re still mulling over. In diapering two kids I thought I had already come across every poop problem. Like that one time Punkernoodle 1 pooed on poor Ginger, our dog – I mean, all the dog did was wander into the nursery, innocent and desperate for a little attention, and all of a sudden, from her perch upon the changing table, 3-week-old Punkernoodle 1 sprays this incredibly disgusting – but wait, I digress…

Anyway, tonight we’re making some final touches to our new cloth diaper and conscious fiber Web store and trying to rewrite the welcome message on our home page to make it snazzier. Really we just wanted it to better reflect our personalities, the attitude of our company, and we were trying to avoid the sickly sweet stuff most retailers, especially baby-product shops, tend to rely on. Like “We love to help cover soft little bums with precious and beautiful diapers. We know your little precious bum is the sweetest one on earth.” Blah.

So we come up with a few zingers, one of which includes the sentence “So don’t catch any crap from your friends for not having the best diapers on the block,” or something to that effect. But we were stumped by the word “crap.” “We can’t put that on our home page,” I said. This coming from a journalist trained to sanitize the unsanitary slang of our great English language. Write a news story about graffiti spelling out B-I-T-C-H on a wall and you’ll be writing about graffiti spelling out “a derogatory term.” But I digress…

Big Daddy Punkernoodle immediately said “Why not? That’s what it  – it’s crap. These are diapers, remember? They catch shit. Poo. Crap.” This also coming from a journalist trained to sanitize the unsanitary slang of our great English language.

It’s true. They are diapers. They do catch poo. We all know how gross poo can be. And some shoppers in our fair country aren’t fond of the cussing. I don’t know where I’m going with this. The word crap came out, but so did the whole sentence. No “So don’t catch any dooey,” or other crap like that. But now we have to find something else equally deep, insightful and humorous. Well, shit.

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