1. Camp out in the bathroom naked with a loop of Dora on your iPad for 5-7 days.
2. Can you say, “dog crate”?
3. Wait until Kindergarten — the embarrassment of wearing diapers all day at 5 will be enough for them to train themselves!
4. Rent a hotel room for the duration of the training. The mess will be theirs, not yours.
5. If nothing else works, contract the job out. I hear potty training is going for pennies in China.
Ok. Kidding. I do have some more, uh, implementable tips for all you parents getting ready to potty train or already wrestling with your
nonstop-pissing dragon child. These are gleaned from experience, of course. If you have any sure-fire advice of your own, we at Punkernoodle would love to hear it!
1. Start early. By this, I don’t mean trying to potty-learn your child at 5 months (although lots of parents report great success with elimination communication, a technique we’ll explore in a later post). What I mean is start early to make it normal. By the time your child is standing, you should have a small potty in every bathroom in your home (I don’t mean the child’s seat that attaches to the toilet; small kids need their own accessible, self-contained potty sized just for them). Put their potty on the floor next to the toilet. Encourage them to sit on the potty with their clothes on or off. Help them foster a relationship with their potty. Name it. Put stickers on it, whatever. Don’t badger them about “getting dirty” when they inevitably rub their hands all over the potty (teach them about germs, and always wash hands, but don’t paint the potty as a negative, icky thing).