Overheard This Morning

In a semi-awake zombie state I (think I) heard this conversation, or some close version of it, take place at the foot of my bed at 6 a.m. I deem it an excellent example of parenting and the only logical way to navigate the endless roller coaster of “Whys” that streams from a child’s mouth beginning at age 3:

Punkernoodle 1: Where are you going, Daddy?

Daddy (while drying off from the shower): I’m going to work, sweetie.

Punkernoodle 1: Why?

Daddy: Because that’s where I go during the day while Mommy stays with you.

Punkernoodle 1: Why?

Daddy: Because I have to go to work, so I can support our family.

Punkernoodle 1 (ever-so-slight twinge of sadness/hysteria setting in): Whyyyyyy?

Daddy: Well, because I go to work so I can pay for our house and your toys and your clothes and good food for us to eat.

Punkernoodle 1: WHY, Daddy?

Daddy (attacking it from another angle): Because some parents stay home during the day to work, like Mommy does taking care of you. And other parents go to the office, like I do.

Punkernoodle 1 (slightly distracted): Mommy takes good care of me.

Daddy (feeling the end of the Inquisition is in sight): That’s right, Mommy takes good care of you and your sister. She takes good care of all of us.

Punkernoodle 1: Why?

Daddy (wait a minute, here….): Because she’s your Mommy. And she loves you. And so do I.

Punkernoodle 1 (not so fast, Bucko): But I don’t want you to go.

Daddy (searching for socks): I know sweetie, but I’ll be home soon. And you’ll have fun today at school and with Mommy.

Punkernoodle 1 (tears suddenly flowing, hysteria quickly reaching crescendo): Whyyyiiiiieeeeeee????????

Daddy: Because, sweetie. (That one was weak, he can’t hide it).

Punkernoodle 1: Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh???

Daddy (Tone of finality while glancing at clock, which shows he has 43 seconds to pack briefcase, eat breakfast, make coffee and get to bus stop): Because, girl. Nothing in life is free.

Ah. The nothing-in-life-is-free line. It’s really never too early to start teaching these kids about global economics and the fierce social food chain they’re already fighting to climb. Alright, sweetie – let’s go eat some Cheerios. And thanks Daddy, for providing not only food but such valuable life lessons.

Mommy: Do you want to go meet Daddy at the bus stop after work?

Punkernoodle 1: Why???

My Husband is a (Cloth Diaper) Savant

Tonight Lukas was entering inventory for the diaper biz – a process that is still very much an experiment (writers really aren’t known for their math skills). Usually, as he enters sales (yes, we’ve been getting some!) the process goes like this: He picks up a receipt, studies it intensely for about 20 seconds, then turns to me and says “What is this?”

I can’t really blame him. The lingo is complex. It’s vast. I think they’re developing a specialty in this at Yale’s language department. And of course everything is abbreviated, so diaper-savvy moms can talk faster about more diapers in chat rooms and at busy play dates. OS, AIO, organic cotton velour prefolds, AI2, pocket hybrid, SWW froggy pond….

I do have to say that Lukas bought into the cloth-diaper idea right away, when I was preggers with Punkernoodle #1. He grew up with Hippie parents. But it was I who delved into the world of cloth, figuring out the difference between fitteds and contours, checking size ranges, crunching numbers and reading up on the dozens of companies putting out good dipes. Lukas mastered the diapering itself, while not necessarily knowing the name or details of the items he was covering the babies’ bums with.

Until I came up with the crazy idea to sell them. Which leads us to the breakthrough tonight, when Lukas read a receipt that said HH OS red. “Happy Heinys One-Size?” he said casually, typing quickly.

Is the surge of pride I felt a little weird? Maybe. It’s not like this makes him a cloth diaper genius. But I do feel like, compared to most other dads out there, my girls’ papa is a diaper savant of sorts. He thinks cloth diapering is cool, and rightly so. He cares that we make a good choice for our kids and their planet every day. He can say “Mums Bums” without blushing. He coined Punkernoodle Baby, so he can tell other parents that it’s not a scary, freaky choice.

After this, he’s going to the Diaper Olympics. And I’m dressing him in a pink medium GAD with a KN loopy and a side of testosterone.